Tuesday, July 22, 2008

New Screenplay

Notice the following films:

-- Armageddon. A meteor is headed for earth, and the only thing that can save us is if Bruce Willis and his scrappy team drills into it and unloads a nuclear weapon.

-- The Core. The center of the earth has stopped spinning, and the only thing that can save us is if Hilary Swank and her scrappy team drills into the earth and unloads a nuclear weapon. (Actually, I couldn't watch more than about 20 minutes of this, but I think that's the plot.)

-- Sunshine. The sun is burning out, and the only thing that can save us is if Cillian Murphy and his scrappy team flies near the surface of the sun and unloads several nuclear weapons.

So clearly nuclear bombs can fix just about anything. But the problem with all of these films is that the stakes are too low. Hence my new screenplay (yet to be written, but that's just a technicality).

In my movie, the whole freaking universe has stopped expanding. A maverick scientist has figured out what's going on. After some infighting with government bureaucrats, he coaxes Brad Pitt, Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, Sigourney Weaver, and Tom Cruise to fly six separate spaceships to specific points in the universe, and drop off 100 nuclear bombs apiece. This will restart the universe and save us from the unfortunate fate of collapsing inwards upon ourselves (never mind that this wouldn't actually happen). There's a touching scene where Sylvester Stallone says goodbye to his estranged daughter as he realizes that the escape hatch on his spaceship doesn't work. There's another touching scene at the end where all the rest of the astronauts are back safely on earth, and they clap each other on the back, to the tune of something by John Williams while an American flag unfurls in the background.

This will be the summer blockbuster to end all summer blockbusters.


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